Ideas
I pointed out to my peer that his thesis was not clear because it was not clear what his argument was. “This is a noble view, however, It undercuts the importance of art and ignores the positive effects it has on society. It is time to examine the point of view of Effective Altruists, the importance of art and how it affects our society, and defend the merit of creative artwork. It is important to examine the opinions and ideals behind those who oppose creative artwork, and to also examine why art is important. Though not always selfless, art is worth defending.”
Evidence
While reading one of my peer’s papers, I suggested he enter some of his own opinions to help support his argument into his paragraph. “. Kaphar is trying to sell home the point that art is a reflection of society, and by holding a mirror up to ourselves, we can more clearly see what is right and wrong about the times we live in. The way Kaphar sees it, art is there to remind us of what we have done, and what should continue to be made so that we can display how far we’ve come as a society. Kaphar see that sculptures and paintings represent the ideas people had and highlight their priorities.”
Organization
I suggested that my peer move one paragraph to another location in the paper to help support another statement. The paragraph seemed to be better organized if it was moved under one of the first paragraphs instead of a closing paragraph. “Due to the revolutionizing world that we live in, standards are higher and society tends to focus on idealistic perspectives. Although art is does not help people, it allows artists to express their own ideas even though they are hindered and misunderstood. In Southan’s text, Peter Singer explains an analogy. His analogy explains the idea that if a child was drowning, one would not try to rescue them if they weren’t the one that caused the child to drown. This being a very strong analogy, supports the EA’s view on art. Singer’s question demonstrated the idea that there are bigger issues that are happening in the world, as art is not impactful enough to be beneficial to all. Effective Altruists believe that in order to save the issues in the world, one must contribute on a frequent basis or else their work is not considered helpful. In my opinion, I disagree with the EA’s opinion on making an impact, as throughout my experiences in my life I can say that I have seen and done plenty of good deeds that make an impact. I believe that art and self expression should not be focused on the amount of contribution, but by the positive impacts they make on an individual or society as a whole.”
Global Edits Vs. Local Edits
I personally had a hard time making global edits over local edits because it is easier for me to notice grammatical errors in other people’s papers when reading them. I am very picky about the wording of papers and making sure the grammar is correct so ignoring that and just looking at overall ideas was hard. I think once I adjusted to solely looking at general ideas, evidence, and organization, I made more efficient corrections. This seems to be very helpful especially when I will be revising my own paper. I think after using global edits to revise a paper I can get a more general overview of what needs to be fixed and then go back and correct the smaller, grammar or spelling mistakes.
